1st Visit to Scouts (Uniontown)
I am hurting. I am uncertain. I am fighting depression.
I am healing and trying to take care of myself. Some hours are easy.
Other hours, the tears fall and won't stop.
Today, I spent an hour crying, taking sex pics, and processing. Music and taking sexy selfies are forms of self-care for me. I wanted to be ready for tonight.
I sit at Speedway waiting for my new friend. We are meeting here and chatting for a few minutes, and then I will follow him to Scouts. I need to eat something, but that's been challenging lately. I grabbed a burger, ate ½, and decided to write. Maybe I can write away some of my feelings.
Today has been an extra emotional day from the beginning. I woke up minutes before the alarm, crying…and it hasn't been much better since. I'm fighting depression hard. January is always my worst month for depression. Add in my meltdown, and it's gonna be a struggle not to lose myself for a minute.
I can't regulate my senses. Everything is too loud, too bright, too soft… water makes my skin crawl, my nails hurt, my anxiety is through the roof, and the smell of cooked food repulses me. I want to climb out of my skin and soak in epsom salts for hours, slipping under the water where there is peace, silence, darkness.
I'm not sure if fucking to healing is going to work this time. I keep trying. I keep failing.
I'm having a lot of orgasmic fun in the process, but overall, I'm not sure that's what I need.
I know what I need. Unfortunately, we don't always get what we need. When we don't get what we need, we try to find it somewhere.
Of course, a song came on, and I'm crying, again.
Good thing my friend is a bit later than we originally planned. We had a fluid time to meet due to his work constraints. I hate being late, keeping people waiting for me. 10 minutes early is late, to me. I showed up early, fully intending on catching up with some emails… and instead, writing.
I looked for upbeat, happy songs to try to help alter my mind a bit.
I can't meet someone new in tears. Xanax should kick in soon.
I managed to pull myself together before he arrived. We met, chatted, went inside to grab some beverages, and then I followed him to Scouts.
When we arrived, there was a long driveway, uphill, covered with snow. My friend was in a car. I gave him space to make his way up the driveway before I followed.
We arrived and he gave me the grand tour.
The club is great! There are many play rooms. Both a male glory hole and a female glory hole are available for your pleasure. They have a huge orgy room, a massage room with 2 tables and massage oil, a pool (although I didn't even try to go in…it was entirely too cold out), a stripper pole, and several private rooms for your enjoyment. It reminds me of a big city club, like Vegas.
The only downside was the lighting. It was very difficult for me to see with good vision. It would be nearly impossible for hubby to navigate with his extremely limited vision in one eye. This seems to be an issue with most clubs. Where is the fine line between romantic lighting and seeing what you're eating? 😈
After my tour, we settled into the main room, hoping others would arrive. While we waited, my new friend massaged my shoulders, while I rubbed his cock through his pants. I felt the tension and stress in my body lift a bit, as I finally relaxed from a long, emotional day.
At times I can be very impatient. Nobody seemed to be coming and I wanted fucked. I turned to my friend and asked “take me downstairs and fuck me?”
He was happy to oblige.
We went straight to the orgy room. I removed my dress and my boots as my friend removed everything down to his boxer briefs. We started kissing, allowing our hands to explore each other's body.
I laid down on the bed, legs spread inviting him to join me. He climbed on top of me, kissing me, while his finger found my clit.
An observer came in and asked if we minded if he watched. Of course we didn't mind. He removed his cock from his pants and started jacking it.
I had my friend sit back on his knees and after stroking his cock a little, I put it in my mouth. Making sure I tasted every inch of his shaft, swirling my tongue around the head, rubbing his balls, a little stroking while sucking…
I wanted fucked. Both my new friend and our observer offered up a condom; I had plenty.
I put the condom on with my mouth and turned around so he could fuck me from behind, and I could watch us fucking in the mirror. It is so sexy watching others get fucked; it is equally as sexy watching yourself get fucked.
I put my hands on the bottom of the mirror to push back against him pounding me. I laid my head on the bed, facing the man watching us. He was still stroking, which I find incredibly sexy.
After my second orgasm, he grabbed my hips, fucking me harder. I knew he was going to cum soon, which turned me on like crazy…when I got close again, I waited and delayed my orgasm. Just as he started filling the condom inside me, I let go and my pussy grabbed his pulsating cock as I had one final orgasm.
I laid on the bed and invited our viewer to join me. He said maybe later. It was his first visit and he was just checking out the place. He continued pleasuring his cock while watching us lay on the bed.
He asked if he could cum on my titties. I said yes, and moved over to the edge of the bed. I invited my new friend to lay beside me. He played with my right titty as our observer came on my left one.
After snapping a photo of the cum-masterpice painted on my titty, I cleaned up and headed to the massage room.
My new friend massaged me from my neck to my ass for a ½ hour. It was so relaxing. I laid there and started to get emotional. When I rest too much, I have too much time to think.
And when I think, I always assume the worst possible can and likely will happen. I hate when I'm in this mindset. I need to get my positive attitude back. I need to put a real smile on my face.
January is my worst month emotionally, partly because I get seasonal depression and want to stay inside for days/weeks at a time. Unfortunately, my schedule doesn't allow this, so I have to put on a happy face and pretend like I'm ok. When I'm not.
The absolute worst part of being in these overly emotional spaces after a meltdown is the overly emotional parts. I stopped at the place where I met my new friend to use the bathroom. It's about a 90 minute drive for me, and I have the smallest bladder, ever.
I wanted something sweet.
I started crying when I saw a candy bar. Yes, a fucking candy bar. Why? Because I'm an emotional mess right now. My boyfriend got me a candy bar the first time we saw each other after deciding to date, saying it's his favorite.
A candy bar made me cry.
I got no sweets. I couldn't stop crying, so I used the bathroom and quickly left.
The rest of the way home was not an easy ride. The same things kept going over and over in my head…I turned the music louder to drown out my thoughts. It didn't work.
The tears fell so hard I had to pull over a few times. I fell asleep crying, woke up in the middle of the night crying, woke up this morning crying.
I hope the tears are healing whatever needs healed. Until I'm finished recovering from my meltdown, I really have no idea what needs healing.
I think I'm gonna stop fucking until I'm recovered. Average recovery time for me is 2 - 3 weeks.
I'm on day 8 of 14-21.
Sometimes it's ok to ignore everything you need to give yourself some space.
In the kink community, we talk alot about after-care. However, we often don't apply similar after-care techniques to our daily lives and personal relationships. If we did, we would heal so much quicker and easier.
Someday, I hope we can explore this more. It would make relationships stronger by allowing each other to heal as we individually need.
Too often, we don't heal when those we love hurt us. We carry that along in our relationship, and it creeps back up to haunt us. This creates relationship baggage.
I don't want that in any of my relationships. I want communication. I want us to be able to figure out how to heal and let go together. Weather via verbal conversation or, YES, you guessed it…
SEX
Sex is healing if utilized correctly.
I am a 44 year old woman who has been in my fair share of relationships. I've made my fair share of mistakes. I've broken hearts; I've had my heart broken. I've learned a lot along the way.
I don't like emotional pain (nor physical, guys, don't get any ideas). One of my first sexual mentors told me that I’m an emotional masochist.
If I am unable to heal, grow, and move forward, I need to try something else.
I'm not sure I'm finding the sexual healing I'm looking for by fucking strangers. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a ton of fun and many, many orgasms…
Time…
the one thing in this world we can't buy more of.
It is our most valuable commodity. I often tell people, if it's something you love, you make time for it. We never have enough time.
But…
Time is what I need.
I won't be playing with any new friends until I've recovered from my meltdown. I'm too emotional, and need to recover more. Friends I've already played with, maybe we can get together sometime next week. (I still might cry though…know that before you DM me.)
While I take time to recover, what adventure from my past would you like me to write about? Let me know. 😈
1. Mardi Gras Bead Contest
2. Canada Kink Camping
3. Fritz Pool Table Gangbang
I will also be doing a Q&A - DM me your questions on Fet or comment them here!
Thanks for reading!
Welcome to the 2 new sponsor subscribers! There are 3 of you now! (and the first is my boyfriend) Thank you, I appreciate you. DM me what you'd like to see on the paid sponsor tiers. Your kindness will help me buy more condoms, get into adult theaters, buy sexy lingerie to look all sexy when I'm getting fucked, and more so I can write as many sexy adventures as possible this year!
(I'll be doing a little traveling this year also, mainly to East Coast states…let me know where you are. Maybe we can play when I'm close…or visit a bookstore 😈)
Kisses 💋
Shorty
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