Gangbangs and Sexual Healing

First Gangbang of 2025

Sex and emotions are often tied together. The emotions are often the happy/pleasurable parts of our emotional well-being. However, there can be great pleasure and even healing found within sad/hurt emotions when harnessed and explored on a sexual platform. Think: fucking the tears away.

When we hurt, we often want to feel better right away. Usually, the means of feeling better are temporary and not very healing. We medicate (prescriptions, alcohol, medical marijuana, etc.)...to get through the days. When we feel the loss of a loved one, we mourn and the mourning is not in a linear pattern. We go through the stages of grief in different orders, and many of them never go away…they never get easier…we just get better at coping and masking our sadness.

Denial
Acceptance
Anger
Depression
Bargaining

Over a decade ago, I was in a very bad place with my mental health. I tried everything I could think of…talk therapy, a few nights stay at the local mental health clinic, going to the gym (sometimes twice a day), writing, improving my self-care on all levels, mentally, physically, emotionally.

Whereas some of the self-care I implemented and the writing I've done, I still use to this day…

However, none of these healed me and my past traumas were destroying me.

A good friend, a Dom, asked me if I ever considered using sex to heal.

No, I hadn’t at that point. At the same time, without even realizing it, I was helping a friend I was fucking work through his sexual traumas, I didn't really think about what I was doing…it just seemed to come natural to me.

Why didn't I ever think to explore some of these sexual endeavors to heal myself? After a year of training under my Dom friend, I was able to start to explore ways sex and intimacy could heal me.

Of course, like with grief, healing is not a linear process, and the abuse I experienced will never been fully healed…it is a part of who I am. My abuse became a major part of who I am today.

January 3rd is a day that I'm usually reflecting on my relationship with my Gram. It was the day she and I celebrated her birthday. I miss her.

I miss her so much more when I need advice and guidance and a parent…she was the closest I ever really had.

Knowing that I would feel some sort of way about January 3rd this year…

I made plans to have a little fun, keep my mind (and body) occupied and happy.

My boyfriend was taking me to a bookstore for a little group fun on Friday. It sounded like a great way to spend an afternoon, definitely better than being sad.


Plans don't always go as we expect…

Being poly isn't always easy. Someday I'll write about my disastrous adventure when I realized I was poly. It was emotionally intense, messy, and a lot of people were hurt in the process. I made mistakes, many of them.

Now, I'm in a good place with my poly. My partners are all ok with it, although 2 of them are not poly themselves.

I forget the emotional mess I was through those early days, exploring my “poly’ness”. One of the biggest emotions that overcame me often was fear. Fear of losing those I love as I explored my own needs.

My boyfriend is new to dating someone polyamorous. I also think he's poly and not really sure how he wants that to fit into his life.

Monday morning I received a text from him, breaking up with me, no explanation, nothing really.

I forgot that I added like 50 men from Fet who want to or have fucked me to my Snapchat…a place where I have a few handfuls of friends who know a lot about my life…most I've fucked or occasionally still fuck from time to time. Since the beginning of the pandemic, when I was out in the community and volunteering 80+ hours a week with w mutual aid fund, my friends on snapchat became my emotional support network…of course filled with sexiness too. I needed a release from all of the pain and struggling I was seeing everyday with mutual aid and outreach.

I sent a snap on Monday to my snap friends…
And then the messages started rolling in from men who I don't know (yet)...Oops. 🤦‍♀️

They wanted to help me fuck my tears away, and that's exactly what I needed.

Although, I would have preferred to do it without sharing the growing pains of my complicated love life with dozens of people. (Everything is ok, btw.)

This mistake provided an opportunity to chat a little about how I use sex for healing…

Crying during sex is a beautiful, painful part of healing for me. Fucking, a lot…maybe someone massaging me then taking me shoping for sexy things they can then take off of me. Fucking hard (with people I know). Writing about fucking. Taking pics of all of it.

When you can explore with safe and understanding partners, not necessarily romantic partners, sexual partners, you can safely explore what can help you heal.

I'll walk you through my week.

Monday/Tuesday morning - I was a complete mess. I had an autistic meltdown that I'm still recovering from.

Tuesday - talked to the bf who broke up with me for hours. It was nothing more than poly relationship growing pains, which can be confusing, scary, fearful, sad, as well as good feeling emotions. Being poly isn't easy. Being new to exploring poly isn't easy. Communication is key.

Tuesday - canceled my NYE play friend for the important communication me and my boyfriend needed to have. I never thought about him being new to exploring poly. I forgot about all of the fear and confusing emotions I felt.

Tuesday Evening - rang in the New Year with hubby. We had a quiet, with me naked, night at home together.

Wednesday - I wrote a lot. I started to recover from my autistic meltdown. (Which can take weeks.) I checked in with some people for the Friday gangbang I set up.

Thursday - spent the morning talking to my boyfriend more.

Thursday Afternoon/Evening - celebrated the holidays with my other boyfriend. He got me presents 🎁…my favorite, a beautiful new ring. He ate me and fingered me for over an hour…making me squirt multiple times. Squirting orgasms aren't better or worse than non squirting, they are just different. I feel pleasure in tingling in different areas inside my pussy than with non squirting orgasms.

Friday Morning - woke up and got coffee, saw the snow outside and decided to come home early to prep for the afternoon fuck’tivities. I had to drive through downtown Pittsburgh to get home and didn't want to hit a snowing morning rush hour. 😳

On my way home, I stopped at Physical Therapy for my rib muscle tear. I've been in PT since July.

Once I arrived home, I got coffee, filled up my bong, put on a sexy outfit, took some sexy pics for my boyfriend who took me out last night…

Then a song came on and tears immediately started streaming down my face. Recovering from a meltdown also makes me extra emotional.

It was my Grams bonus birthday, my boyfriend almost broke up with me, a few other things in life happened on top of everything else…the tears started and wouldn't stop.

I took more pics and videos, which can be healing for me.

Music can also be healing or just basic self-care.

Finding a way to combine things that make me feel good, while fucking away my tears have helped me heal and grow, both as a person and as a partner.

I will put together a video compilation to post on Fet to show you some of the ways I combine music, pics/video, and emotions to help heal. I take my time and cry when I need to and smoke more weed when I need to and drink more coffee likely sprinkled with my tears when I need to. It's a way I can mentally, emotionally heal.

I knew Friday morning I needed an emotional, sexual release. I needed to get fucked…and i would probably cry while doing so.

After my sexy, then crying sexy self photo shoot, I showered and prepped my body for fucking.

As I've mentioned in previous writings, I enjoy getting ready for fucking by pampering my body. Lotions, sugar scrubs, and body butters keep my skin silky soft. Hair masks and deep conditioners keep my hair healthy and soft. Manicures, pedicures, long epsom salt baths, masturbation, loud music, and more are some of the things I like to do to get myself into the perfect condition to get fucked.

Some of my getting ready routine will also be in the video on Fet. (Join for a month or so, watch my videos, support Fet for providing us a space where we can meet to fuck and be kinky.)

On our way to Modern Adult in Mckeesport, I stopped to get myself and b. water. Extra hydration is important when crying a lot and then fucking a lot and sometimes doing both at the same time. I need lots of water!

Before we pulled out of the gas station, I sent a quick text to my boyfriend who was going to join that day, but we decided we have some more talking to do before resuming kinky together, in person, again. We need to be an us for a little longer. He'll be back to playing, when we are ready.

Even though it was the adult decision to make for our relationship right now, it doesn't mean we can't still enjoy the experience together. I texted him and then headed to the bookstore right up the street.

We arrived early. b. waited patiently as I gathered my things to take inside:

Water
Condoms
Baby Wipes
Disinfectant Wipes
Roll of Paper Towels
Music
Comfy Outfit to Leave in

I wore the dress that I had on the last time my boyfriend and I really connected, sexually, on a deeper emotional level…it was the first dress he told me how beautiful I looked in. We broke-in my truck in that dress.

I took a few pics to send to him. Sometimes I send pics and videos of my sexual shenanigans in real time, others we wait until we have time to chat about the adventure.

After entering the building, we stepped to the side while b.’s eye adjusted. He has very limited vision in one eye and none in the other. Once adjusted, we stepped up to the register, paid admission, and headed to the theater.

b. sat patiently waiting while I visited the bathroom and found the perfect play spot.

I choose the male on male room.

We need to chat about something not so sexy…at any bookstore or for that matter, anywhere…people should ask for consent before touching. If the person isn't for you for whatever reason just say no thank you. If you're not asking for consent and just grabbing cocks…stop it and ask for fucking consent. I shouldn't have to say these things in 2025. 😳

Prepping the area where the lounge bed is, I wiped it down with disinfectant wipes, wiping also the wall beside it and the glory hole area. Most adult bookstores are clean, you just never know when someone is going to get off and forget to clean up after themselves. I just feel better wiping myself so I can relax and enjoy getting fucked.

I put condoms, baby wipes, paper towels, my music phone, and my photo/video phone on the bed and took off my dress, handing it to b. to drape it over his leg to avoid wrinkles .

After everything was ready and I was naked, sans socks and shoes, I turned to the handful of men who showed up early and asked “who wants to fuck me first?”

The (#1) first participant happily stepped forward. I rubbed him through his pants a little before requesting he remove them so I could feel his bare cock. I jerked his cock, feeling it become fully erect inside my little hands, before putting a condom on. We fucked a little, but the angle was off, I adjusted and started sucking him again, until he was finished.

I turned to the now bigger crowd and asked who was going to fuck me next. The (#2) next cock was already being released from their pants as they walked towards me. I grabbed it, stroking to full hardness, put the condom on with my mouth, and turned around.

He slid slowly, and deeply inside me before pounding me hard, sending tingling sensations through my body as I came. He came shortly After and I was ready for the (#3) next guy.

He was hard and ready, I put the condom on and started sucking. A few minutes later he exploded inside the condom.

Before cock 3 was finished, a (#4) cock popped into the glory hole and patiently waited for me.

I turned around, wrapped it up, and started sucking his big cock. When I thought he was getting close, I removed the condoms and jacked him off onto my titties.

After taking a minute to clean up my titties and my cum that got onto the bed, I was ready for more…so many more cocks.

The (#5) next participant had his hard cock out and ready when I asked him to join me. I put a condom on and had him fuck me doggy while i stroked and (#6) sucked a cock in the glory hole.

There is something so sexy about cumming on a big hard cock with another cock in my mouth. Sucking a cock while I’m cumming on another cock intensifies my physical pleasure.
It’s a full body orgasm that extends beyond just my pussy feeling good and into my mind as a cock fills my mouth, feeling the pleasure of the moans of orgasm vibrating his shaft as my pussy grips another cock. I really enjoy sucking cock.

Cocks (#7) and (#8) were both big, hard, and in my hands. Cock 7 I couldn't reach as well when he adjusted to suck on a boob while rubbing my clit. I put my hand on his head as he gently licked, sucked, and nibbled my titty. Cock 8 was in my right hand, his finger inside my dripping wet hole from behind. One man fingering me while the other rubs my clit, oh fuck yeah…it didn't take long until their fingers made me cum, gripping a finger as I gushed a little bit on it.

I then bent over for one of their cocks to fuck me, stretch my pussy around their big dick, make me pulsate with pleasure as I wrapped my feet around his legs, pulling his hard shaft deeper into me.

Once I came a few times, he grabbed by hips and fucked me hard until he came. I handed him some paper towels and summoned the guy who was rubbing my clit to take up position behind me. I wrapped his dick and slid him inside me from behind.

He grabbed my ass to hold on and went directly for the hard fucking. I laid my head on my arms, listening to the classical music I had playing awaiting the multiple cums I knew would be possible.

The first time I got louder, just before I came, he stopped. I reached back, grabbing his hip, pulling him into me, and told him “keep fucking me”.

When I got louder and closer again, he slowed almost to a stop, again. I'm not sure if he was edging me or what the fuck he was doing…for me, he was fucking up my cums and if he was gonna keep doing it, I'd fuck someone else.

I didn't ask to be edged, so I'm not sure if it was completely selfish of his own wants or if he just doesn't know how female orgasms work. Either way, follow your partners body language or, as in this case, verbal directions to “keep fucking me”.

I decided I would be much more silent when I came, because if he fucked up my cum for a 3rd time, I would have been completely done fucking him. I came, actually twice, and he probably had no idea.

An (#9) average size cock was next up. I spent a little time orally pleasuring him, before having him fuck me from behind. I laid my chest on the bed to get the perfect angle for his nice cock to make me cum. I enjoyed the music while getting pounded.

I looked across the room where there were 2 men watching. 1 of them was sucking the other, both watching me. So fucking sexy. I love watching men orally pleasure each other while I’m getting fucked.

My boyfriend and I suck cock together…the Adult Land adventure with him was one of the most sexy, most passionate experiences I've had. I was riding my boyfriend's bare cock while we shared dick after dick in our mouths, together…kissing each other, with a cock. Fuck.

Cock 9 continued to rail my pussy while I zoned out, watching the men, thinking about that day at Adult Land with my boyfriend.

This is about the time I started to get more emotional. I thought I could make it through without crying…the emotional overload was extreme this week. I needed a release that requires more than just good sex. I need to get into that headspace when sex meets emotion so I can start healing.

I need healing mostly from my meltdown earlier this week, but also from the loss of my Gram many years ago, and the almost loss of my boyfriend who I love so very much.

I was starting to get into that space where I need to feel, I need to cry, I need to be pleasured, I need to remember all at the same time. The 2 hotties across the room did it. That sexy display of pleasure set off the emotional release I was needing…the next trick was to keep myself in that emotional space until I was ready to heal. Sometimes I get the beginning of this sexual, emotional release…

That really is some of the most intense, beautiful stranger sex I can have…

and the beginning stages are all I get to.

Luckily, that was not the case this time.

Guy 9, combined with some fun action in front of me, got the train going…

(#10) got in line just after 9 finished, ready to continue my pounding with his big cock. Wrapped up and slid inside my “penis fly trap”, I continued to zone into the physical pleasure and music as I worked through the emotions I was feeling. Emotions filled me as my pulsating pussy felt pure pleasure.

When we were finished fucking, I took a break. All too often in life we hit bumps in the road of relationships, sometimes they hurt. There is a reason for the term “growing pains”...every relationship experiences them.

We kiss and make up, but we don't process the imprint that was left behind. Often we are just happy and relieved that our relationship is back on track, that we don't even think to heal the pain.

I utilize sex to heal the pain. I don't want one bump in the road to derail us from this amazing path of love, passion, connection, great communication, and sex….we have such an intense sexual chemistry, it's insane.

I also don't want to bring the bump into the future…I will fuck and get as emotional as I want/need to heal. This process is painful with physical pleasure…and highly healing. Once I'm healed, I shouldn't bring that bump into the future.

If we heal ourselves from the little bumps, it strengthens our relationship, allowing us to put down the “baggage” we picked up along the way.

I put on my jacket and went to the bathroom to freshen up.

When I returned, someone pointed out there was a (#11) cock waiting for me in the glory hole. I reached up and stroked it.

After 11 fucked me till he exploded, I looked towards the room of onlookers.

Next up, (#12 & #13) 2 guys who I started stroking, 1 in my right hand the other in my left. I put a condom on cock 12 and positioned myself doggy style so he could slip inside me while I sucked cock 13. I came multiple times in this spitfire position.

After cock 12 was finished, cock 13 got behind me and left off where the last cock stopped.

He grabbed my hips and fucked me hard. My swollen pussy was more sensitive from 13 cocks. This was the perfect time I could get fucked into multiple, simultaneous orgasms. 1 orgasm ending at the same time another starts, while being pounded, leaves my pussy trembling and wanting more cock. Number 13 gave me 2 simultaneous orgasms. Cock (#14) was already in my mouth. When 13 finished, I concentrated on sucking.

Up next was (#15) someone I met at Adult Land in the past. We didn't play that day, as I was getting ready to leave.

His big cock was already rock hard. I slipped on the condom and slowly guided him inside me from behind. My pussy was extra sensitive after all the cock already. When he put his one foot on the bed to get a better angle, I adjusted my hips slightly so my pussy could feel him in all the spots needed to get me off.

He pumped my pussy and gave me several mind blowing orgasms before finishing.

Next was (#16) someone I sucked, and just kept on sucking until he came. As I was sucking him, I debated stopping and having him fuck me; however I was having too much fun sucking his nice cock.

I wanted more cock in my mouth. (#17) stepped up to grant my request. As I was sucking him, a (#18) new guy approached and asked permission to touch my titties. I nodded yes granting him permission, as I kept slurping on the dick in my mouth. (Guys…consent is sexy AF. Ask. Thanks.)

Titty guy now had his cock out, and in my hand…at my request. I wanted to make sure he was fully erect ready to fuck me when I got off the the man in my mouth.

I put a condom on cock 18 with my mouth, before returning to the cock I was in the process of sucking off.

I motioned for cock 18 to get behind me. He happily obliged me, and pushed his hard shaft inside me. As my pussy was enjoying every inch of this new cock, I made the cock in my mouth explode into the condom. I grabbed the paper towels and handed them to him and returned my attention to the pounding I was getting.

My pussy, wet and now extra sensitive, enjoyed every deep thrust he gave it. My legs were shaking as I wrapped them around his ass pulling him in harder. Fuck he felt good.

I was getting emotional, again. Maybe I'll end up crying, maybe I won't.

I channeled my emotions into the cock smashing I was getting and allowed myself to cum as a tear escaped my eye.

A few seconds later, he came.

Gangbangs aren't for hours of sex or 45 minute fucking for each guy. A bookstore might not be the place to find the emotional/sexual release I was looking for.

He came. My tear rolled down my cheek and no more were following. He was done fucking me. My emotional release wasn't ready yet.

Someone I sucked off early was now hard and ready to fuck me, so was someone I fucked earlier. These 2 men had a discussion on who was going to fuck me next. They decided quickly and kindly…the man that I finished with my mouth would fuck me next.

Wrapped and ready, I sucked on his cock a little extra, before turning around. I reached under me to grab his cock and guide it inside me. Once inside my precious pussy gripped him in orgasm in less than a minute. I orgasm so hard sometimes that I push cocks out. I pushed him out.

Turning around, I put him in my mouth and sucked while jerking until he came.

The next 2nd round guy was hard and removing his cock enough to fuck me. He wasted no time getting back inside me. We pounded me hard, then a little slower, then hard again. I was cumming on his cock and a little emotional.

Then…
A classical remake of a song that reminds me of him came on…and the tears started. The song by Benson Boone was one I listened to often during the month where we were deciding if we were going to date or not. That month we both had a lot to think about. That month I made my intentions, desires, and boundaries clear to my now boyfriend.

The song I found during an emotional time…one of those times where I wasn't sure what was going to happen. Were we going to date? Or not? We talked about dating in 2018, but I wasn't ready. Back then I also knew I couldn't fuck him anymore because I already had an emotional attachment to him, and if I continued to fuck him, I'd fall hard and fast if I allowed myself to. Back then wasn't the time.

2024, 5 years later…
It was the right time.

The song is Beautiful Things by Benson Boone…

The first time I heard this song I was driving somewhere, thinking about if we should date…

I was only half listening to a top songs playlist, inside my head thinking about the dynamics I need for a relationship with him..

This caught my ear:

“Oh, I hope I don't lose you
Mmm
Please stay
I want you, I need you, oh God”

I rewound the song to this part and listened to it again…

The tears started. (I'm a very emotional person, I cry a lot sometimes. This isn't always a bad thing. Tears can be healing. They can provide a release of emotions, both sad and happy emotions.)

I knew then, within the month before we started dating, that I wanted him.

I cried during most of the 3:14 long song. The big cock inside my pussy likely didn't even notice. I cried and came and I cried a little more. He continued to stretch out my naughty bits, physically pleasing me. I worked through my tears as I enjoyed the physical sensations of the biggest cock I took that day.

Then I was finished.
I was done. Sad. In an emotional space I needed to be in.

I put my jacket on and went to the bathroom.

When I returned, a (#19) late arrival was there. At first, I said no because I was sad and wanted to go home and get rubbed, and my back lightly scratched, and spoiled…I needed my aftercare taken care of.

My shirt was already on (it's cold, I wasn't leaving in a dress lol)...I looked at him, put down my sweatpants and said “come on, fuck me real quick.”

So he did. I pulled up my shirt, exposing my big titties to him, wrapped him while he played with them, then turned around so he could push his cock into my tight pussy.

I was sad. I cried a bit. Not much.
Then another song came on that reminded me of all of the great parts of us: a classical version of Taylor Swift's Lover.

“Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?”

I smiled when the instrumental cover of this song got to this part. Because I want to always be this close to him.

The rest of the pounding I was getting felt amazing. I smiled and laid my head on my arm, ass up, and enjoyed several minutes of sexual and emotional releases.

Modern Adult Gangbang was a success. 19 fucked, got sucked…

At least 2 came to just watch.

Overall very successful.

Next time I want to break my 30 different cocks in 30 days record…

I wanna fuck 30+ cocks in 1 day. 😈

♡♡♡♡♡

I am polyamorous.

Polyamory isn't a way to have more sex with others. Having sex, minus the lovey emotions, is non monogamy. Being polyamorous means that I am in romantic, committed relationships with multiple partners.

I have 3 amazing men in my love that I love deeply. 3 men that deeply love me. There are so many different emotions, often at the same time, that it can be hard to know how to handle said emotions.

There are so many shades of emotions. Oftentimes we allow the bumps in life to imprint on our futures, especially so in relationships. The bumps can define the direction the relationship goes. It can get stronger or it can fall apart.

Emotions make us act out of character. Emotions are a powerful driving force for everything in life.

When an emotion hits us, especially the strong emotions such as love or fear, it can quickly unravel in ways you don't want or didn't expect.

Yes, unfortunately due to forgetting I added a ton of Fet people on my snap…my relationship got put in the spotlight.

Everything is good with us. We hit that spot in our relationship where we need to evaluate if we fit into each other's future. Every relationship hits this spot. Sometimes we talk about it. Sometimes we run away from it. Sometimes we ignore it all together. This is the part of the relationship that says “if the world was perfect, we'd be together forever”...

However, that very strong emotion called love…doesn't conquer all. How we communicate as relationships progress is key.

Can we be happy, in the long term, with my complicated “poly’ness”? I hope so.

I am poly, and have been for many, many years. Being in a relationship with 1 person takes time…being in a poly relationship(s) takes more time. My boyfriend is new to being poly.

When I was new to being poly, it was fun, exciting, emotionally/physically, and mentally satisfying…

BUT

It was also scary, sad, filled with lots and lots of tears, and at times downright terrifying for many reasons, the main being my kiddo (who was 12 at the time).

We are being adults and slowly discussing different aspects of what our future can look like and what we both need in the future.

We always communicated so well. One bump, and I'm in tears, and I'm sure he didn't feel much better. If we communicated, things would have unfolded differently. We learned from it and hopefully can move forward building our connection if that's what's right for both of us.

Anyways…

Someday, I'll write about the absolute shit-show mess I made of life when I found out I was poly. 😳🤦‍♀️


Thanks for reading.
Please DM me on Fet and share your opinions about adding more of my personal life/emotions into my writing.

Yes, I want my writing to be sexy, but also a place where couples and singles can perhaps relate to and maybe learn from some of my mistakes. Sex and relationships can be beautifully complicated. Should I continue to share more similar to this writing? The fucking and the feelings? Let me know!


Kisses 💋
Shorty

BELOW IS NO longer accurate as I moved my entire blog off of Patreon. This is the Main and only full verson of Shorty’s Shenanigans.

P.S. I got censored here for a pic that could have been me licking hair conditioner off of my hand…so unfortunately pics will be limited here. I do have a snapchat that is affordable and helps pay for things like sexy lingerie, bookstore admissions, outreach I volunteer for etc. Message me if you wanna join my snapchat! 💋😈

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